Your Child's Requests - How well do you handle them?

These words were sent to me and I thought they needed sharing. These words are just a few that have been sent to me over a period of time and I wondered how many of you would like to see more of them? If they are inspiring to you please do let me know. Thanks in advance.

Great Words!

I had a moment of literary outpouring but now that my site has gone, there is nowhere to put it any more so rather than just waste it, you can be my audience lol.

Walking through one of the city's shopping areas the other day, I realised that I was drawn to an exchange between a mother and her child. It is not uncommon to hear children being berated for wanting something they cannot have but maybe the closeness of this discussion brought my attentions into focus. Hoping not to be seen as prying, I kept a distance that still allowed me to listen to what was being said.

The mother was shouting loudly at her child clearly out of frustration, but do we as parents level our emotions rationally at our children? We all know that shouting and screaming does not offer any long term benefits but we know all too well that it is those closest to us who have that ability to inflame our frustration to that point.

The child had clearly asked for something that was beyond the mothers budget and, most possibly out of frustration, the mother was screaming that she could not afford it today. I was a bit shocked by the scolding in the mother's voice but perhaps even more stunned by a knowing that I too had reacted in almost exactly the same way on many previous occasions.

Of course, I have absolutely no idea of the situation that the mother and child were in and it is clearly none of my business but it did bring an awareness to my mind about dealing with such situations.

The mother was most likely not mad because her child wanted a sweet or whatever, the outburst was because of the guilt felt by not being able to provide to a child's wishes.

But what does the child learn from this? Perhaps the child will learn to ask in fear of rejection. I am sure you will have heard a child speak much more quietly when asking or saying something like "I know you will say no but..."

Now project this fear from childhood and into that child's adult life and what then happens? Does the child become fearful of asking for a pay rise, for a holiday from work, for treatment from a doctor or any and many things that might occur in their life. The fear of rejection could well lead them to live a life where they accept the alternative because the desirable is too fearful to hope for.

This doesn't mean that we should instantly give in to every demand our children utter as this is also just as destructive but what about using the situation to build hope and possibility.

The exchange will happen anyway, a decision is made at the end and a feeling is left in the air so why not make that positive. Why not manage the immediate emotion and make up a plan so that the child can look forward to actually getting what they want. Maybe plan to save away some money through the week and then return next Saturday to go and buy whatever it was that they were asking for. Empower the child to strive towards their wants and wishes, give them a responsibility to turn their wishes into reality. By changing the conversation (rather than the result) a child can nurture belief instead of a fear of rejection.

I put this thought to a similar incident that I have faced over the past few weeks. My son so very much wants the latest team football shirt but I cannot justify the expense right now. So rather than simply saying no, I have built up the hope by planning to travel to London in the summer, visit the football ground and buy his shirt. Between now and then, we can plan our trip, where we will go, what we will see, where we might eat and suddenly a sense of guilt by me for not providing has become an adventure of possibility for father and son. I am also quite sure that I will not be pestered every five minutes for that shirt because he knows how and when he will get it, and that meets his desire.

A word of warning here however is that you must never then let your child down. If you build the dream, then make sure you can fulfil. By planning the trip in the summer, I will have at least 3 months to save as well as 3 months of peace of mind but whatever happens, that day must occur!

One final benefit that we didn't discuss is that by using this method, your child will also have many fantastic memories that they will carry into their adult lives. My son will always remember the day we went to his favourite football club to buy that shirt. He will remember so much detail with so much love. Isn't that better than instant rejection perhaps?

Oh, and what about you? Don't you deserve some of that hope and belief too?